Crows Will Be Seeking Shaman Next if Mind Training Ineffective

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We always knew that those boys in South Australia had a kinky streak, but we did not think that streak would entail a 24-hour bus ride with players blindfolded the entire time.

The Round 1 loss to the Essendon Bombers would suggest that the blindfolds were never removed, but the Crows can at least take solace that they are not the Western Eagles side that seemed to treat Buddy Franklin as though he was invisible, judging by the way Franklin scored at will against them.

Some members of the Crows were subjected to a special forces boot camp-style training experience intended to make them more mentally resilient in the face of adversity.

It was something of a Rambo meets the AFL script.

The kicker is that the Crows’ team members who went on the excursion into the dark recesses of the psyche were asked not to speak about the emotional hardships they were forced to endure during the mind training.

The situation could get weirder, but we choose not to go into any of the specifics, although we were not asked by the Crows club to keep mum.

The Crows selected for the special ops training were participating in something called the Mankind Project, the brainchild of a company known as Collective Minds.

The intent was to raise the Crows to the next level, which we assume is how to win a Grand Final at MCG.

According to Crows’ Coach Don Pyke, “The value for us for mind training is that we have made a lot of progression in the physical side, whether it be a weights program, conditioning program, our skill and game program. The frontier that hasn’t been tapped into considerably is the mind space.A lot of our time is historically spent on the mind. And we think getting our players aware of the mind and the role that plays in performance was really vital. We’ve just unlocked the door and it’s an area we want to continue to expand on.”

Pikey, our music instructors used to tell our parents, on whose dime the instructors depended for sustenance, that learning music would help us with our maths.

Perhaps the minds of the Crows could be helped by a few algebra word problems.

One train departs Adelaide and travels east for five hours at an average speed of 75 kph…