From Uber Driver to Pies Mainstay Thomas Grateful for Second Chance

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We are quite cheered to learn that if this writing thing does not work out, we have the option taken by Josh Thomas, the Collingwood Magpie who endured a two-year football suspension in 2015 and 2016, of working for Uber.

Thomas drove the streets of Brisbane as a ride-sharer after ASADA banned him for two years when he returned a positive for clenbuterol.

Clenbuterol is a veterinary medicine in the U.S., but it is used to treat asthma in humans in some countries. It has bodybuilding and weight-loss properties, even though it was used in U.S. cows to increase lean meat and reduce fat.

Them Yank cows is fit.

Thomas made over 700 trips in his role as Uber driver. Apparently, clenbuterol does not make you a better driver. No one realized they were being driven around by an actual football player, but hiding in plain sight is often an effective camouflage technique.

Would it help our typing?

Rehabilitated now, Thomas has played 33 consecutive games for Collingwood and he is a goal-kicker par excellance. His 38.11 kicking this year is 15th in the league, not Jack Riewoldt numbers, but numbers no AFL coach in his right mind would lament.

Right above Thomas, in 14th and 13th respectively, are teammates Jordan De Goey and Will Hoskin-Elliott. A few spots down reveals Jaidyn Stephenson at number 21, so the Pies can claim, if nothing else, a balanced attack.

Whether that balance will push them past Richmond in the first preliminary final remains to be seen, although the latest line on Ladbrokes would seem to indicate that the Pies will be attempting to overcome a 16.5-point hole.

Thomas’ redemption tale is the sort we enjoy and he expressed gratitude that he has been given a second chance.

If we were the sentimental type, we would be tempted to put a tenner on Collingwood, but our car is in the shop and we would need a ride down to the bookie shop.

Has anyone seen our phone and can we request Steele Sidebottom as our driver?