It is a good thing that Australia is not the Falklands, as the thrashing the Aussie gave the Poms in the 2017 Ashes might be just the provocation the Brits need to park a couple of aircraft carriers in Botany Bay and send the message that the colonies need to remember their proper places in the order of things.
Australia has a 3 – 0 lead after finishing off the third Test in Perth and England is left with some time on their hands before the meaningless fourth and fifth Tests roll around.
Some interesting benchmarks were achieved, although for the Poms, they trend toward the dubious end of the scale.
Alastair Cook tied Sir JackHobb and Sachine Tendulkar in losing 14 times in Australia. James Anderson got into the top ranks of losers, trailing Cook by two with 12.
Anderson will see his name move down, so far as the distinction of the most ducks in a Test career. His 23 has been passed by Stuart Broad.
Another mark that the Ashes produced was that for the first time in almost 25 years, England has lost seven consecutive Tests as the tourists. During that time, they won the toss six out of seven times.
England has a new record tying effort with eight straight losses at the WACA, joining Zimbabwe, which lost their last eight Tests in Bulawayo over the past 14 years. The Windies lost seven Tests between 1931 and 1976 when they stepped onto the hallowed MCG.
England has not won a Test at the WACA since 1978.
The dismal picture gets ever more dismal (we badly wanted to say dismaler, but writing about the English in English requires some decorum).
The Perth Test marked just the sixth time in 140 years that a team has lost by an innings after notching 400 or more runs in its first innings.
It doesn’t get much worse than that, does it?