While we would enjoy providing a description of Nike’s new boots for the 2018 FIFA World Cup tournament next month, our level of envy is too high to do so objectively and as staring writers, the best we can hope for is to find a deep discount on last year’s models, something we can show off when we do the mowing.
Perhaps by the time FIFA 2022 comes along, we can find a new bargain, or write something prize-worthy, prize worthy in the sense of coming combined with a handsome monetary stipend.
That does not seem entirely likely, as the last time our language skills earned us anything was when we won a spelling bee in elementary school and took possession of a valuable Holy Card.
Rather than spend our energy on things over which we have no control, and armed with one of the most accurate spell checkers imaginable, making our skills entirely moot, we wish to report that Huddersfield of the EPL will play on for another season after they secured a draw with Chelsea.
The close call meant that Huddersfield is secure for the next EPL season. Instead, it will be Swansea regulated to the Championship.
Socceroos star Aaron Mooy was one of the immediate beneficiaries of the good news, with prompted Huddersfield Coach David Wagner to give his players 48 hours of unsupervised shore leave to revel in their salvation.
Reports surfaced of Mooy celebrating by smoking cigarettes, which are still legal, even if looked down upon, and everyone should be grateful that Mooy went that route, rather than celebrating with less savoury mind-altering substances of an illicit nature.
The report surface that Mooy smoked at least 10 cigarettes on the night out on the town, which only leads us to wonder who has the time to surveil anyone to the extent of supplying a number.
The estimate of Mooy’s ale consumption was less specific, given as “an ale or two.”
Just sayin’. Mooy would have been better advised to flip those numbers to 10 ales and two ciggies.